Direktlänk till inlägg 14 april 2014
Am I a bad person when I desperately need to be left alone?
Get some space? Just be with myself after a lovely, busy weekend?
Let the outside get quiet so that I can hear what the inside is screaming... longing for.
Through years I have learned to pay attention to what others need. I made it to my mission to keep others satisfied and taken care of.
Why?
Because I liked the immediate SATISFACTION, the feeling of being needed. The thank you.
In the end I got to think that there is no space for my needs, or that I will take care of them later, when everything else is done.
Also, I believe, I was trying to escape from myself and the growing UNEASE within. Keep myself busy enough not to think...
Cliché?
You may get that impression. First. But I have seen this before. I see it every day.
Today my physical body is ALLERGIC to being neglected. I panic when there is no space for ME. No silence.
With my cognitive problems due to the burnout it takes SECONDS fot the whole damn SYSTEM to SHUT DOWN.
Self-control, breath, digestion, consciousness, ALL GONE.
I am on an AUTO PILOT.
And it is not the quality of life I am aiming for today.
Right now it looks like a constant fight but I am here to WIN it! To win my LIFE back!!!
LIFE to All.
Dzisiejszy wpis z nowej platformy bloga ZebraZone: www.blog.zebrazone.seDla tych, którzy jeszcze nie przyzwyczaili się do nowego adresu :)Bardzo ciężko pracowałam przez ostatnie tygodnie. Za ciężko.Tak ciężko, ...
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