What do they say? The name PRESENT moment is not a coincidence. See NOW as a gift.

It was only recently when I understood this idea. That it is only in the NOW where I can shape my future, and also my past. Each past moment was a NOW once. If I did not take CARE of it, it probably became a past I regret.

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When you go towards a burnout, NO, when you RUSH straight into a burnout TIME is your biggest enemy. It was, and still is so for me.

For a very long time I had to optimize every action I took. I had to plan life with details to squeeze in as much useful stuff in each minute. I lived with the feeling that I am always late. Time was an ugly monster trying to catch me, trap me, ruin everything, and it was NEVER there for me.

And the feeling of failure when lists of tasks were not completed, when busses were missed and schedules fell apart…. It was burning down my inside into ashes...

The idea of seeing my TIME on this Planet as a gift, as something I should carefully choose how I use was so unfamiliar to me.

I guess I was always prepared to FIGTH for or back at something; I never had a RECEIVING attitude. And not only in the question of time...

It really can wear one down.

And it did. It was very difficult for me to accept that my recovery WILL TAKE TIME, and it is nothing I can or should RUSH with.

Nowadays I can still fall into this ‘there is not enough time’ spiral, just as I did yesterday (which you can read about in my post ‘I am my own worst enemy. A story of failure.’). The difference is that now I REACT in a new way. I SAVE myself from my activity lists, and action plans.

I CRUSH the picture of what I thought would happen next. I sit down and look at the PRESENT moment and I start inventing it with awareness. Moment by moment. With no expectations or pressure.

Ready to receive a gift.

Love to All.

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Jesli chcesz zostawic slad na moim blogu, zapraszam do Ksiazki Gosci   

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There are days when the self-love radio channel is only playing self- judgment songs. Mixed with some self-destruction talk.

And how shall I resist a professional with a thirty plus years of experience in this subject?

How?????

I know the routine. (Self-destruction stress followed by self-destruction guilt and shame that things are not getting better fast enough.) I know it will pass eventually but I kick my mental ass for wasting yet another day.

Mostly it is the day which I planned as a RETREAT day when I am exceptionally tired and the need of self-love is HUGE.

It usually starts when my boy is left at the day care. When I leave the building/yard the THINKING PROCESS and the PLANNING kicks in:

I should take a walk but I forgot to brush my teeth so maybe it is better to walk straight back home and also have a cup of tea because it is freezing outside and I could also take a bath, but before I do that I should of course do yoga and bath after but which yoga should I do, should I work on my own or should I use the dvd, but where is the dvd, I have no idea, maybe in my laptop, when I turn it on I should post something on my blog and I am sooo tired and if I write on the blog first and do yoga later it will be lunch time and I will be too hungry and exhausted and what to have for lunch, should I do more detox or just defrost something from the freezer, I will check, I am home already and I hear a washing machine spinning and I panic because I will have no time, power or desire to hang things up when it is ready. There is no time for myself, I collapse. There is no time, I am a failure.

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Nowadays I can recognize this sticky feeling of discomfort quite quickly. It takes a while to stop the thoughts. It takes a long while to get rid of this disgusting disappointment flushing all over me. To stop. And to start again asking myself a question: What do I WANT to do today?

It maybe comes as no surprise that the above happened to me exactly this morning. So here I am, sitting in front of my laptop, with a small candlelight, drinking tea, un-showered, with brushed teeth though! ;) and I am enjoying this moment NOT thinking what I will do next.

Ok, I do plan for a bath   

And maybe all the other things too, but I will do them with reflection and awareness, and only if they will BENEFIT me.

I cannot be my own enemy anymore!!!

Love to All.

To approach life with this new belief that my love has no limits makes anything seem possible.

I know now and ACCEPT that there is no limitless source of energy.

And that is Love.

Love to All.

Travel with style.
Thank You A & K
<3

Seriously, I must be allergic.

And stress is EVERYWHERE!

In the shower, when the pressure is too high and water runs too strong and harsh.

It is in traffic when engines accelerate and car horns start a symphony next to nearest trafic lights.

In the water boiler which does not boil water fast enough.

It comes with people who do not mind the bus line.

With the wind which blows my hair into my face.

With the last peace of toilette paper on the roll.

Or... Maybe it is not out there at all.

Maybe it is all in my head?

What if I carry all that poison inside me?

Am I OK with that?

Are YOU OK with that?

Love to All.

I have got a really pretty gift from my friend who took such a lovely and kind care of me for the last few days.

Just have a look

I choose to see it as an encouragement to continue what I am doing.

I seriously believe in transformance. I want to spread this belief.

Love and POWER to All.

Have a blessed Sunday.
Remember, even God rested on the seventh day :)

Love to All.